13/03/2024

do meu sangue

 Por mais que às vezes, raras vezes, eu sinta alguma inveja dos homens, é no mínimo interessante me dar conta que entre tantas coisas roubadas de nós, eles nunca roubarão o que nos une como mulheres.

Que essa tristeza arrebatadora, profunda e inevitável que se abate nos teus ombros de vez em quando seja compreendida e acolhida, e nunca remediada, porque é o que te faz sentir humana.

Que o estranho prazer morno e pacífico que é estar entre iguais seja projetado pra além do teu corpo humano e que seja compartilhado pelas tuas descendentes - no transporte público às três da tarde ou num banheiro de bar às três da manhã.

Que o nó que prende a tua garganta sem que haja nenhum motivo para além da mera existência tenha todos os motivos pra não durar mais do que um suspirar profundo.

Que o entendimento de que de todas as fêmeas da tua linhagem tu foi a que chegou mais longe, seja sempre motivo de orgulho mais do que um peso nas tuas costas.

Que o julgamento de ter encerrado o caminho do teu sangue, do teu transtorno mental e do trauma geracional no mundo não seja julgado com maldade ou desonestidade. E que as pessoas que realmente importam entendam que numa face da moeda há a liberdade em escolher ser mãe, e na outra face da mesma moeda reside a liberdade de mudar de opinião.

Que as coisas ás quais tu se dedica sejam jamais desprezadas, condenadas, negligenciadas, ignoradas, menosprezadas, rejeitadas ou esquecidas.

Que tu sempre descubra todos e novos motivos pra encontrar a si mesma entre mulheres, com todas as faces delas, com teu corpo, mente, coração e espírito.

Que tu consiga honrar teu sangue forte e louco, teu corpo biologicamente e perfeitamente funcional, tua mente assustadoramente desperta e teu coração tão livre.

Que isso aqui fique como uma prece, pra ti, pra mim, e pra tudo o que nos une. E o que quer que nos separe um dia, nos faça entender que como houve, sempre haverá algo que nos conecta.



No one will ever know the violence it took to become this gentle

23/02/2024

This is a reading

 I know, honey. I know.

It's okay, I don't know why you've feeling so burdened lately when you could have just talked to me. And even weeks or months ago it wouldn't be a surprise because I already knew back then. Why are you so taken by this unpleansant feeling of sadness and fear when you could have told me what was occuping so much of your soul?

 I know, honey. I know.

I know the anger and all the needs, the waspishness, the ugly sensation at the somach pit, the sound of glass being broken over and over again to the point of nothing else being heard when the thoughts go just inside themselves like a confusing mesh. I know the heat and the words that rush out of your lips like wild wind, like fire, like an erupting volcano, gushing like boiling blood out of a fresh wound. Like an insane race, when you run out your mouth faster than your brain. The words are not wording. The brain is not braining. And when you come out of it, it's too late.

Come here, I don't hate you.

I know you like him the same way you knew about my feelings for him before. Honey, we are a mirror of each other's soul, how could I not notice? How could you not notice? Even when you told me I was wrong, the familiar feeling, a deep gut feeling, that you were hiding the truth from me was there, and it never left. And the crumbs kept coming, and they could give all I could need to weave the webs my thoughts are made of.

I don't know why are you feeling bad.

We could have shared the suffering and the anger and the stories. Even that one could be shared like soul sisters, but you couldn't be honest. Were you afraid? Of me? Of what? Why? Do you think so little of me? That I would not handle whatever came after?

Come here, little one. Know that this is what I call "eyes with no lid". I have them since I remember. It's not a power, it's a sickness. Don't be afraid or surprised, see, this is no special skill, this is hell. And it shows me everyday how to understand people, and how to keep loving them even when I see fear, hate, jealousy and very, very ugly things. I can't undone it. And I can't take people out of their journey. I can't warn them too much, even though sometimes I know too much. The same way I know you. And I know your truth. And why it exists.

 I know, honey. I know. Don't be upset. I just always knew.



10/02/2024

BANG

What was clear, however, was that the first bullet loaded into the empty cartridge was fired, and with that one shot, everything had irreversibly turned upside down.